Monthly Archives: November 2018

Boundary Setting

‘Allowing’ Others to Impact Our Self-Esteem… The ideal of not taking others comments, opinions, or judgements personally is our ultimate goal.

How do we accomplish this?

Often when we hear negative comments from others we attach to them and feel that this person can see into our darkest fears and worst image of ourselves. We validate it by taking it personally because once we do this we are declaring that this person is correct.

Now if we shift how we think too: When we take things personally it is an act of selfishness; as we are making the assumption that everything is about ‘me’ (Ruiz, 1997). The result of this thinking is driven by our ego—as we are taking responsibility for everything. Once we shift to this new way of thinking we can see that someone’s comment, opinion, or judgement is a reflection of them, not me.

The start is accepting: Their words—not mine!

Ruiz, D (1997) The Four Agreements.